Talk Thirty to Me Episode Fifty: How Do You Define, You?
Join Turg and Randy Z as they talk about the constant need to be defined as something – or someone – by society and the lack of self-identification that comes with being 30 in a world that never seemed ready to accept things as they came; a society that helped create a problem, but offer no ways on how to fix it…and…
What helps identify a good parent versus a bad parent?
Turg talks about his recent trip abroad and leaving his kids behind to have some time with the wife. Turg explains how they missed their daughters first birthday to take an extended vacation and how it was difficult for his wife to accept. Randy mentions how some reasons for missing a birthday might be acceptable, Turg thinks it really wouldn’t make a difference and that it’s difficult for him to identify as a parent, which made the decision easier for him to make. Being a parent doesn’t always have to define you.
Is it OK to leave the kids behind when going on vacation?
Vacations take a lot of time and planning in order to execute. When traveling abroad, so many things complicate travel that it’s difficult to take the kids along. Randy challenges Turg to think about whether his parents went on vacation and left him behind when he was growing up. Growing up, a lot of our parents didn’t realize the importance of alone time. Turg couldn’t remember many instances, but knows they did happen – albeit, sparingly. When growing up, adults may not have had a lot of opportunity or resources to take extended vacations and leave their kids behind. Turg argues it’s a lot more accessible – now – to take a trip, than before. Globalization, Turg continues, is one aspect that helped progress these issues and helped the guys pose the questions as to if it’s OK to leave your kids behind on an extended vacation.
Taking a break from your kids actually helps you become a better parent.
Randy asks Turg if there’s a difference between raising children ‘now’ versus ‘then’. Turg poses a scenario – two parents with two different styles of parenting. One parent who knows to take breaks from their children (and families) and the other who believes in maximizing time and effort with children. The thinking behind this gives a good, general representation of modern parenting styles. Turg supports the former of the two styles, continuing the mindset that you – as a parent – are the most important part of the family. Finding time for yourself is the most important thing in preserving what makes you, you. You’re an important part of your children’s lives, so why not take care of yourself and
What scares some people about becoming parents is the shift in their identity from individual to parent
A lot of Randy’s apprehension behind becoming a parent is losing his individual identity and the massive amount of time consumed by his future children. Turg asserts that a family is a composition of individual people and it’s important to preserve the unique individual identities that make up the family. If family is made up of parents that spend time focusing their energy on just their children there is a lack of a creative outlet or a period of time to just decompress that might lead to frustrations, lack of individuality and diversity that bleeds into the fray. Randy thinks a lot of the fixed parental mindsets could have originated from our own experiences from parenting – a very valid point. It’s up to the new generation of parents to challenge the status quo and progress the shift.
What if you’re not ready to become a parent, how do you prepare yourself?
Whether or not we are in a spot to become parents, we identify as someone or something. We put forth that perception and it may even frustrate a lot of people – upon becoming parents – when their identity is challenged. It is up to us to define our own identity to help us set the example for our children as they grow up and learn how to self-identify. One thing is for certain, your identity will always be challenged, Stay the course and do what you do. You need to p
For the parents out there, how do you feel about taking your kids along on vacation? Would you leave them behind? Have you ever tried to leave them behind? Do you disagree completely that leaving them behind is the worst decision ever? It all boils down to this – it may not be important to you to define yourself now, but it is important to preserve what you do that makes you happy and continue to do it. Have something you can call a unique part of you. Enjoy your life and what makes it special. Know that what you do and what you love will make you an even better parent when the time comes. Let’s break convention and shift the perception.
Intro Music & Outro Music:
Saturday Jam by Clifton “Notes” Ellens, Captain Noah, and Jonathan “Sankeyz” Sanchez
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